March 14, 2009: A day I didn’t see coming

CAN I KILL THE CREATIVE SIDE of a writing first?

March 14:

My committee’s event

My dorm’s formal dinner and movie awarding

Che’s debut and I am oone of the dancing guys with her

After finishing my ES1 exam, I went to ATM to withdraw some money, went to dorm  to shortly change my shirt, and flew to Katipunan. I am supposedly an ‘organizer’ pf the event. One word to describe what I felt: alienated. Naging tamad ba ako? I realized that I am missing so much by not attending our meetings and the world was quite different.

I began by stepping out the taxi by 7pm, whereas our call time was 4pm. Thanks to ES1 exam. One thing that really brought me to state of dementia was the ID’s. This might a sound a bit selfish, but how come I don’t have ID? I just didn’t ask the registration for my ID, but after taking the registration, I tried to search but there was none for me.

Yup, they MIGHT not be considering me as a teammate anymore. Nagpakatamad ba ako? Every tuesdays and thursdays, I woke up early for PE, then  I go directly to Shopping Center to call. (It was my task to call companies). I admit it, on the event, I didn’t contribute so much on the sponsors. Almost all of the companies I called said NO.

Also, the person I considered my partner on this task, somewhat became ___________. At the start, I thought it was a pair effort and no one is better than the other because we will finish this “both” good. I know I tend to be bossy, but not really bossy, a suggestive bossiness, and I value teamwork so much. We’re doing a similar task so teamwork is a must, if there is none, we would end up compared. I tried to keep informing him of the developments that I have.  I want to work for the team. So much. I just didn’t know what more do I have to do, and when I came to knew of “what could i do”, nagawa na ng partner ko. Nagawa na niya. Nagawa na niya. Lahat na. Lahat na lang.

I’m not giving you the list, but last Friday, I am willing to sacrifice much that I was willing to cut my exam to accompany him on meeting up a company. I was really really willing, but I can be as willing as a horse. It’s his call anyway.

Teamwork, you don’t have to do everything. I don’t want to go to details.

A farmer who doesn’t plow is not necessarily a sluggard.The other farmer might just be already plowing all the field.

I missed the shot. I am a major flop on our team. But I never lacked the passion to work, and I never stopped doing my main job.

I missed the whole team.

I know I could do better than what I did, my “bibo-ness” was not activated on this.

Around 10:45 pm, people were already texting me. So by 11pm, I decided to go back to our dorm for our formal dinner. I directed a short movie and it was a finalist. Soon, the winners will be announced, and people had good feedbacks. Realizing that I could also incur a dorm violation if I stay late, I rushed into a taxi and went home. At last, I’m going home, and all the guilt hunting me is beginning to drain out of my mind. I can’t help but to talk to the taxi driver to keep me sane.

11pm, that’s where I started to smile. I never smiled on ‘our’ event.

BUT I learned a lot on this. If you consider this experience a mistake, then I accept it.BUT I learned a lot.

BUT I learned a lot.

I learned.

I can’t share their joy of the event pushed through. But I am joyful that this is over. It’s already a ‘mistake’, and now I can pick up what I learned.

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